Incongruence and Negative Self Image

My mornings start in virtually the same fashion everyday. After hammering the snooze button on my alarm half a dozen times, I finally unravel myself from my tangled up bedsheets and slowly shuffle into the bathroom. The bulbs flash on and for the moment I am blinded, cursing at myself for routinely failing to let my eyes acclimate themselves to light. However once my vision has returned I am confronted with image of myself in the mirror before me. My reflection shows a person with sleep-crusted eyes, unimaginably messy hair, and the distinct trails of dried drool across my cheek. I am in no sense a sleeping beauty, and my appearance every morning is quite indicative of that.

And yet, I am happy with the person who greets me in the mirror every morning. Are there parts of me that I would like to change? Absolutely; I see hundreds of flaws and imperfections, be it a blemish, a scar, or the forming of a gut, that I would like to change. But these “issues”, regardless of the degree of significance I attribute to them, do not define the type of person that I see myself as. I am able to overlook these things and be generally satisfied with who I am.

This is not the case however for many people in today's society. The inability to separate your true appearance from the distorted self-image you have is known as having an incongruent self-image. This condition, which stems from an assortment of causes (distortion of: body image, personality, social skills, etc) can lead to the development of very destructive behavior, both mentally and physically. Eating disorders, over-excising, debilitating shyness, are just some of the byproducts an incongruent self image can have on a person.

These disorders feed into the incongruence one is feeling and push one routinely through this vicious cycle of self loathing. These conditions, like bulimia or anorexia for instance, are done in order to make one feel as if they have some sort of control over the life they wish they could change. This “control” causes two things to occur. First, the individual (in the case of eating disorders) will lose the weight they are so critical of. Consequently, they will feel validation in such a lifestyle choice and continue to give in to the disorder, regardless of the unhealthy side effects (esophageal deterioration, hair loss, frail nails). They may finally attain the ideal size they were after, but will have sacrificed their well being, or even their life in doing so.

Oscar Wilde once said “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” This is a simple enough concept to grasp but truly embracing such an ideology can be difficult. A lot of those who suffer from the impacts of incongruence could see drastic changes in there own life if they adopted Wilde's motto. If you can truly come to adhere to such a creed, you can dismiss the days of conflicted ideal, self, and true image to the past and come to love the real you.